During oral arguments Wednesday in the immigration case Holder v. Gutierrez, Justice Stephen Breyer hypothesized about a legal permanent resident whose non-resident infant child would have to be deported back to their country of origin.

Justice Antonin Scalia interjected.

“But I suppose if they come with somebody else’s 6-month-old child, they would have to send that child back to China, too, wouldn’t they?” Scalia said. “Which would be very sad, but that would be the law, right?”

“Actually they came from Italy, in my hypothetical,” Breyer said to Scalia, drawing laughs from the audience and other justices.

Without missing a beat, Scalia brought it home: “They should not have sent him back to China, then. Why did they do that?”

That exchange helped Scalia get the most laughs – three – this week, making him the week’s Funniest Justice. It also helped him to add a bit of padding to his lead for the term so far. Here are the standings after eight weeks:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 30

Justice Stephen Breyer: 25

Chief Justice John G. Roberts: 12

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 6

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 1

Justice Elena Kagan: 1

Justice Samuel Alito: 1

Justice Clarence Thomas: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

It’s not often that Supreme Court justices opine about the way celebrities such as Cher and Nicole Richie speak. But during oral arguments Tuesday in FCC v. Fox, Justice Stephen Breyer did just that.

“What Fox was penalized for was two women on television who basically used a fleeting expletive which seems to be naturally part of their vocabulary,” Breyer said, drawing one of the seven laughs he earned during oral arguments this week.

This is the second oral argument week in a row that Breyer has led the score in laughs, slowly chipping away at Justice Antonin Scalia’s lead in the Funniest Justice Tally. Here are the standings after seven weeks of oral arguments:

Here are the standings after seven weeks:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 27

Justice Stephen Breyer: 23

Chief Justice John G. Roberts: 11

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 5

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 1

Justice Elena Kagan: 1

Justice Samuel Alito: 1

Justice Clarence Thomas: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

“Look, anything can be transformed into a process,” Justice Stephen Breyer told Solicitor General Donald Verrilli Wednesday during oral arguments in the patent case Mayo Collaborative Services v. Prometheus Laboratories, “Look at those real estate ones, lawyers ones. I have a way of making a great argument in the Supreme Court. You know, you could patent some of your arguments.”

This was one of four funny comments from Breyer during this week of oral arguments, making him this week’s top laugh earner. Justice Antonin Scalia got three chuckles, while Justice Anthony Kennedy earned two laughs.

Here are the standings after six weeks:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 21

Justice Stephen Breyer: 16

Chief Justice John G. Roberts: 9

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 3

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 1

Justice Elena Kagan: 1

Justice Clarence Thomas: 0

Justice Samuel Alito: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

When attorney Aaron M. Panner began making his argument before the U.S. Supreme Court in support of his client, the defendant in a RESPA case, he didn’t realize he was setting up a joke.

“It seems to me that there are two positions that have been articulated before the Court and both are inconsistent with the Court’s prior decisions,” Panner began his argument Monday in the case First American Financial Corp v. Edwards.

Without missing a beat, Justice Antonin Scalia jumped in.

“Not yours and his?” Scalia asked, referring to Panner and the plaintiff’s attorney, and drawing chuckles from the crowd.

Panner clarified.

“That of the plaintiff and that of the government, Your Honor. I should have been more particularized,” Panner said, drawing his own laughter.

Scalia’s quick quip was one of three laugh-inducing comments from the Court’s most senior associate justice, padding his lead in our Funniest Justice tally. Chief Justice John G. Roberts and Justice Stephen Breyer* each earned two laughs this week, and Justice Anthony Kennedy* also made it on the board with one laugh.

Here’s the running tally after five weeks of oral arguments:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 18

Justice Stephen Breyer: 12

Chief Justice John G. Roberts: 9

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 1

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 1

Justice Elena Kagan: 1

Justice Clarence Thomas (still no peep): 0

Justice Samuel Alito: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

*While DC Dicta usually goes strictly by Court transcripts in determining the laugh tally, this week we made an exception because we witnessed a laugh-inducing comment made by Breyer which was credited to Kennedy in the transcript. Specifically, during arguments in the case Hall v. U.S., we are quite positive that it was Breyer, no Kennedy, who said: “It’s like an Abbott and Costello movie.” (See p. 14 of the transcript). Luckily, Kennedy earned his own laugh in Setser v. U.S. (See pp. 18-19 of the transcript) so he should not feel robbed.

During oral arguments Tuesday in the case National Meat Association v. Harris, the Justice Stephen Breyer asked if the Court had to “write an 11-part opinion” dissecting each individual provision of a state statute to determine if it was preempted by a federal meat inspection law.

“I’m not trying to get out of work,” Breyer said, drawing laughter from the audience. “I just want to know.”

Without missing a beat, Justice Antonin Scalia chimed in.

“I’d like to get out of the work, to tell you the truth,” Scalia said as the crowd laughed again.

This week, Scalia broke open a wide lead in this terms funniest justice contest, earning a whopping eight laughs during oral arguments. Breyer earned three, while Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg each made the crowd chuckle once.

Here are the standings so far:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 15

Justice Stephen Breyer: 10

Chief Justice John G. Roberts: 7

Justice Elena Kagan: 1

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 1

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 0

Justice Clarence Thomas (silence continues): 0

Justice Samuel Alito: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

During oral arguments Tuesday in the case Rehberg v. Paulk, Justice Stephen Breyer questioned whether the Court was required to look to common law to determine if an investigator who lied during grand jury testimony was immune from suit.

“Well, one brief disagreement with your question, Your Honor,” began attorney Andrew Pincus.

“You can’t disagree with my question,” quipped Breyer, spurring laughter from the audience and other justices.

Breyer edged out Justice Antonin Scalia and Chief Justice John Roberts as the Funniest Justice of the week – and is now tied with Scalia as the funniest justice of the term so far. Breyer drew laughs during oral arguments five times this week, while Scalia earned four laughs and Roberts earned three.

Here are the standings for the term after three weeks:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 7

Justice Stephen Breyer: 7

Chief Justice John G. Roberts: 6

Justice Elena Kagan: 1 (We heard Kagan get a laugh this week, but the court reporter didn’t – and we count according to the transcript.)

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 0

Justice Clarence Thomas (the silent type): 0

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 0

Justice Samuel Alito: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

During oral arguments Wednesday in the case considering whether strips searches of individuals jailed on minor offenses violates the Fourth Amendment, attorney Carter Phillips was asked how close prison officials get to the inmates.

“It almost certainly would have been about an arm’s length, because [the jail officials are] handing them clothes to change into,” Phillips said. “It is sort of hard to be longer than arm’s length and actually get the clothes into his hand.”

“Two arms’ lengths,” corrected Justice Antonin Scalia. “I mean, [the inmate] could reach out, right?”

And with that laugh, Scalia moves into a tie with the chief justice in our weekly Funniest Justice tally. Here are the standings after week 2:

Chief Justice John G Roberts: 3

Justice Antonin Scalia: 3

Justice Stephen Breyer: 2

Justice Elena Kagan: 1

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 0

Justice Clarence Thomas (the silent type): 0

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 0

Justice Samuel Alito: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

During oral arguments in the case Maples v. Thomas, attorney John C. Neiman, Jr., sought to explain why a state’s attorney sent a notice to a defendant – as opposed to his lawyer – that his time to file a petition for relief had expired.

“At that point in time, the State case was over,” Neiman siad. “So, it was hardly clear if [the prosecutor] was going to do something that he didn’t have to do under the rules.”

“Why did he do it, then?” asked Chief Justice John G. Roberts. “Just gloating that the fellow had lost?”

That remark earned the chief justice one of the three laughs he drew during this term’s first week of oral arguments, putting him in the lead of our first weekly tally of The Funniest Justice. The ever comedic Justices Antonin Scalia and Stephen Breyer were right behind him with two laughs apiece, and Justice Elena Kagan also drew chuckles from the audience once.

Here are the week 1 standings:

Chief Justice John G Roberts: 3

Justice Antonin Scalia: 2

Justice Stephen Breyer: 2

Justice Elena Kagan: 1

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 0

Justice Clarence Thomas (the silent type): 0

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 0

Justice Samuel Alito: 0

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 0

During oral arguments at the U.S. Supreme Court, the justices can ask some wacky questions.

In a speech last week before a local bar association in New York State, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg recapped some of her favorite doozies from the term just past.

“Questions from the bench ranged from the historical: ‘[W]hat [did] James Madison th[ink] about video games[?]’” Ginsburg noted, referring to Justice Samuel Alito’s question in the violent video games case Brown v. Entertainment Merchants Assn., “to the practical: ‘[I]sn’t . . . evidence always . . . destroyed when . . . marijuana [once possessed by a suspect] is . . . smoked?  Isn’t it being burnt up?’” That question was from Justice Anthony Kennedy in the search and seizure case Kentucky v. King.

“Colleagues have been fearful: ‘Does al-Qaeda know all this stuff?’” she continued, a reference to Justice Antonin Scalia’s query in NASA v. Nelson.

Another kicker, also posed by Scalia in Matrixx Initiatives, Inc. v. Siracusano: “What do you think about Satan?”

Ginsburg observed that she herself  “uttered none of the just-recited lines.  For, as the New York Times reported, based originally on an empirical study by a former law clerk of mine, when it comes to oral argument, I am—quote—‘ the least funny Justice who talks.’”

[DC Dicta would like the justice to note that, according to our count, that is not true. Last term Ginsburg proved to be funnier than Justices Alito, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan.]

“Mr. Rosenkranz,” Justice Antonin Scalia said to attorney Joshua Rosenkranz during oral arguments yesterday in Nevada Commission on Ethics v. Carrigan – the last argument of the term, “is the vote of a judge in a case like the vote of a legislator? Is that speech? Because judges are subject to ethical rules which prohibit their participating if there would be ‘an appearance of impropriety.’ If there’s anything vaguer than that I can’t imagine what it might be. Can I get out of all that stuff?”

The crowd laughed, and Rosenkranz tried to explain why judges were not off the hook.

“When it comes to judges,” he said, “we tolerate quite a bit more by way of chill of a judge’s vote precisely because judges are supposed to act judicial and purge their vote of all extraneous effects.”

“That’s too bad, because I would have been much more attracted to your position,” Scalia said, drawing another round of chuckles.

Scalia ended the oral argument season at the Supreme Court displaying his trademark snarky sense of humor, and he remains undefeated in DC Dicta’s Funniest Justice contest. Scalia drew laughter during oral arguments 48 times this term, easily beating out the very funny Justice Stephen Breyer, who earned 32 laughs total. Chief Justice John G. Roberts rounded out the top three with a total of 22 laughs.

Here is the final tally for OT10:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 48

Justice Stephen Breyer: 32

Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr.: 22

Justice Anthony Kennedy: 8

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 4

Justice Samuel Alito: 3

Justice Sonia Sotomayor: 3

Justice Elena Kagan: 2

Justice Clarence Thomas: 0 (Yesterday marked the fifth consecutive full term in which Thomas remained silent during oral arguments.)