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Clients may bombard an attorney’s office with phone calls, demanding immediate help for what they perceive as emergencies, but in reality are standard legal procedures.

“As far as setting boundaries with clients, the lawyer must set the stage at the initial consultation,” Yarrell said. “Expectations must be addressed so that each expectation is grounded in reality.”

The client who calls repeatedly without an organized plan for the call “soon discovers that perhaps a plan would be better – especially after receiving the first invoice with time and charges included,” she said.

“Legal assistants can provide a good balance for the client,” Yarrell added. “Be sure that the client meets the person in the office who will shepherd the file through the case.”

Clients may be so depressed they don’t fill out necessary legal papers, return phone calls or attend scheduled meetings.

“Sometimes they get immobilized and they cannot function,” Yarrell explained.

Gary Silverman, a divorce attorney in a three-lawyer firm in Reno, Nev., said he has had clients who “won’t open their mail, won’t return calls and won’t deal with anything.”

“They’re depressed, they’re frightened, they’re angry and they’re sad,” he said. “And then you ask them to deal with providing four years of credit card statements, and they’re just not there for you.”

Clearly, if a client is so depressed they can’t function at all, the lawyer has to find outside help for them.

“In extreme cases, you might recommend they be hospitalized,” said Gornbein. “But if they’re just having a problem, again, I would encourage them to work with a therapist. Sometimes it’s a matter of getting them on medication to deal with their problem.”

Gornbein said it is rare to have a client so depressed he or she can’t function, but that in several cases he has had to ask for cooperation from the other side to delay proceedings while his client recovers from severe depression.

“I’ve had some cases where I just ask for time for my client to get back on his or her feet, or to start accepting the reality [of divorce],” he said. “If it’s the one who didn’t want the divorce, it can be a huge blow to the ego. Usually the courts will accommodate. They do have a schedule, but there is flexibility.”

Yarrell suggests attorneys educate themselves and their staffs about depression so that they can be more understanding of what clients are going through.

Some clients become so “stuck in anger” that they use the legal process to punish their ex-spouse, Yarrell said.

When clients are angry, they may take irrational positions that aren’t in their or their children’s best interests. Some may try to use the legal system to exact revenge on their spouse.

“Clients who never address the anger issue usually file modifications in custody cases or fret that the property settlement was unfair. Most continue to ‘fight’ and keep the adversarial tone pervasive in all communications,” she said.

This can be especially detrimental to children.

“Children need to grieve over the loss of a two-parent family,” Yarrell explained. “If one parent remains angry, the child may become alienated from one or both parents.”

Gornbein’s advice?

“I try to tell them to back off,” he said. “If they want an attorney who’s going to trash the spouse all the time, I tell them I’m not the right attorney for that. I’m trying to help get someone through a horrible situation, not destroy the other person. I don’t paint them unrealistic pictures. I try to get them reality-oriented as fast as possible.”

Sometimes, the mental anguish evoked in divorce cases can result in violence against spouses or attorneys.

Experts advise attorneys to educate themselves about domestic violence, and to notify authorities immediately if there is any potential for violence.

“I have had cases where clients have been murdered, and have had suicides,” Gornbein said. “You see the gamut of human emotions and issues in divorce, and domestic violence can be a big issue.”

He recently completed a daylong domestic violence-screening course for attorneys.

Barbara Handschu, a solo family lawyer with offices in Manhattan and Buffalo, N.Y., said she has never felt at physical risk from clients, but that a few spouses of clients have been hostile enough to concern her. To protect her privacy, she keeps an unlisted home address and registers her car to her office.

Sandra Morris, a solo family lawyer in San Diego and past president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, once received official notification that one of her clients had told a mental health professional that he had threatened to harm Morris.

“That was scary,” she said.

Many clients are understandably anxious about the legal proceedings involved in divorce.

Communication between client and lawyer is important, Gornbein said. Helping clients know what the steps are in the divorce process helps alleviate a lot of their anxiety, he added.

“I believe in keeping the client fully informed,” he said. “I try to explain every step of the process. I copy my clients on everything and return their phone calls.”

A client who relies on close friends or relatives for legal advice may confront the attorney about why her case isn’t being handled the way her cousin’s was. In some cases, relatives may demand to meet with the attorney themselves.

Younger clients often come in to see her with their parents, Yarrell said. She said she politely explains the attorney-client relationship and asks them to leave the room.

One time, she said, the chief executive of one of the largest companies in the world came in her office and began berating her about her daughter’s divorce case.

“I just sat there and said, ‘You are not my client; your daughter is. I do not represent you.’”

“I tell my clients, ‘You’ve got to be careful,’” Gornbein agreed. “Relatives and well-meaning friends tell only part of the picture.”

On the other hand, he encourages clients to bring someone with them to meetings at his office.

“Friends and relatives on the sidelines quarterbacking is one thing; meeting with me and my client and hearing what I’m saying is another,” he said. “I welcome third parties as part of a support system. Having someone else listening may be helpful.”

Teamwork

Many divorce attorneys encourage clients to seek counseling; some actually team up with the client’s therapist, working in tandem to help the client negotiate the legal and emotional hurdles of divorce.

Silverman said he usually suggests a visit to a therapist who specializes in short-term divorce counseling.

“People come to me with problems that have some legal aspects, but not all are legal aspects. I would be remiss if I didn’t refer them to someone who would help them,” he said.

Gornbein, who has been practicing family law for 36 years, encourages all his clients going through divorce to enter therapy.

The first reason, he tells clients, is to see if there’s any way to save the marriage. Several times a year, he said, clients who undergo either individual or couples’ counseling change their minds about divorce.

The second reason is to “build a support system” to help clients weather the trauma of divorce. And the third reason is to help people understand why they married the person they now want to divorce so that they don’t make the same mistake again.

Often, he said, clients waive confidentiality rights so that Gornbein and their therapists can discuss the legal and emotional issues of their cases. Gornbein will explain critical legal issues to the therapist, who can then help the client deal with those issues.

Sometimes, he said, he may speak to a client’s therapist only once or twice. Other cases, however, may involve numerous discussions with a client’s therapist.

Questions or comments can be directed to the writer at: ntooher@lawyersweekly.com